Monday, December 5, 2016

Dad...Laughter and Light

As the early morning light peeks up over the horizon a milk truck pulls up to a neighborhood store in a small town.  The driver leaps out of the truck, swings open its back door, and unloads cases of milk onto a small hand cart.  With a jaunty step and a grin on his face he wheels the cart into the store.  Seconds later laughter rings out into the quiet morning.  It echoes in the air as the milkman strolls out of the building chuckling as he jumps back into his truck.  Still smiling the driver, my father, pulls out into the street and continues his day.  His mission is completed.  The milk is delivered, but more importantly he got someone to laugh.



Relaxed after a day of fishing the man wanders back to a small travel trailer.  Inside his wife and children are enjoying a card game after a day at the beach.  Spying some former dish detergent bottles now repurposed as water guns Dad picks one up and squirts the water onto the trailer's sides with all his might.  Inside his wife and children roll their eyes as he circles the trailer "attacking" it from all sides.  Dad has raised a challenge.  Who will be brave enough, or perhaps foolish enough, to come out and play?  I stand up and ignoring my mother's gasp of astonishment I venture outside and grab a few "water guns" of my own.  And so the battle begins!  Darting between cars and trailers in the park we stalk one another, leap out to attack, and then run for cover once again.  Finally he corners me, and without holding anything back unleashes a stream of water that drenches me from head to toe.  I shout out with laughter and concede defeat.  The spoils of his victory include a huge father-daughter hug and a huge amount of shared love. He got someone to play.  He got someone to laugh.


This man spins his dance partner around the floor keeping time to the polka music playing in the background.  I am a child, his child, as he leads me through the dance so quickly I find myself holding onto his belt loop just so I can keep up with him.  We are breathless as the music ends, but still we laugh as we leave the dance floor.  Once again, he made someone laugh.  Years later we dance to a much slower song at my wedding reception.  He can't resist quietly telling me a joke.  He can't resist making me laugh once again.
 Laughter has followed Dad most of his life.  Today he sits in a wheelchair.  Today he resides in a locked dementia unit of a care facility.  It is rare when he knows I am his daughter, and even more rare when he calls me by my name.  I am never sure how I will find him when I visit.  Truth be told, there are days when he is cranky and belligerent.  But the man who delights in making people laugh is still there deep inside of him.  Some days his confusion lifts long enough so that he can make a comment that leaves me gasping in laughter.


There are other days when he seems lost in the fog of his mind.  The absence of laughter leaves the world a bit darker on those days.  It is then that we sit holding onto one another's hands, connected by what is in our hearts rather than in our minds.
As I get ready to leave him  I kiss his forehead, look into his eyes and tell him that I love him.  And on those rare and beautiful days I am given the greatest gift of all as I hear, "I know, Denise, I love you too."